news & blues & notes to self
EXCERPT FROM AN IMAGINED INTERVIEW VOL 2
INTERVIEWER (A CHARLIE ROSE TYPE): I’M HAPPY TO HAVE BACK ON MY PROGRAM FILM-MAKER JEREMY PHILIP TRIBBY, WITH WHOM WE WILL SPEAK ABOUT HIS LATEST WORK, “CLEAN-UP ON AISLE YOU.” JEREMY, THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
JEREMY [Smiling, visibly nervous]: THANK YOU! IT’S REALLY NICE TO BE BACK.
I: NOW, THE LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE, I REMEMBER YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT SOME SORT OF SCUFFLE WITH AN EXECUTIVE ABOUT A FILM TITLE. WAS THAT ABOUT THIS?
J: WELL–
I: [In a stately voice, looking at the camera] THAT IS “CLEAN-UP ON AISLE YOU.”
J: WELL, YEAH, I MEAN, I WOULDN’T REALLY CALL IT A SCUFFLE. THEY WERE ACTUALLY REALLY HELPFUL AND SUPPORTIVE!
I: BUT YOUR FANS WILL FOREVER KNOW THAT THIS WAS ORIGINALLY INTENDED TO BE CALLED “THIS IS WHAT WILL HAPPEN.”
J: [Beaming] WOW, THANK YOU FOR KNOWING THAT!
I: SO, THE PRODUCTION BEGAN WITH A FINANCING PROBLEM.
J: YEAH, WELL, COMING OFF OF “JOB & JEREMIAH” –
I: — WHICH WAS TERRIFIC.
J: OH THANK YOU! YEAH, COMING OFF OF THAT WAS A TIME TO STEP BACK A LITTLE AND SAY, WELL, YOU KNOW… IT’S BEEN SAD WORK, I MEAN YOU GET ENTRENCHED IN IT, AND IT’S WHAT YOU DO EVERY DAY. AND MAYBE IT’S TIME TO MAKE A ROMANTIC COMEDY.
I: [Amused] AND THE STUDIO HAD A PROBLEM WITH THIS! THEY TOLD YOU IT WAS TOO UPBEAT!
J: WELL I WOULDN’T SAY THAT, I MEAN MY WAY OF WRITING HAD CHANGED A LOT, THEY WERE USED TO THESE TOMES I’D HAND IN, THE ENSEMBLE CAST WAS READY TO GO, IT WAS… THEY KIND OF PUT ME ON HOLD FOR A WHILE WITH THIS ONE, BUT IN RETROSPECT IT’S REALLY EASY TO SEE THEY WERE RIGHT. I WAS EMOTIONALLY BURNT OUT.
I: WHERE EXACTLY DID IT GO WRONG?
J: HMM?
I: WHERE DID IT GO WRONG? WHEN DID THINGS START FALLING APART, DOMESTICALLY?
J: [Totally blindsided by the question] I–
I: –I MEAN THE NEWS IS THAT YOUR WIFE — IS SHE YOUR EX-WIFE NOW? — THAT SHE BASICALLY FUCKED ALL OF HOLLYWOOD.
J: WELL THAT TONE IS ACTUALLY KIND OF MISOGYNISTIC AND–
I: –OH NO I DON’T MEAN THAT AT ALL, I JUST MEAN THAT THE STARS WHO HAVE CONFIRMED IT INCLUDE CASEY AFFLECK AND RYAN GOSLING AND DANIEL DAY-LEWIS AND MARION COTILLARD.
[Jeremy removes the microphone attached to his shirt as though to make a dramatic exit from the interview, but gets kinda stuck and just has to sit there looking like an asshole as he fucks with it]
I: THIS IS ALL KIND OF LIKE A METAPHOR FOR YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW, ISN’T IT.
J: FUCK YOU.
I: FUCK ME, INDEED. [Looking into camera, stately voice] THIS IS JEREMY PHILIP TRIBBY, FALLING APART. THE MOVIE AGAIN IS CALLED “CLEAN-UP ON AISLE YOU.”
[Cameras cut, Jeremy is staring at the interviewer, out of breath with confusion and anger]
I: OH COME ON, THEY’RE BOTH STUPID TITLES.
Job, Lamented by Jeremiah, Volume I: Folks is available now in the store for $12ppd in the USA.
EXCERPT FROM AN IMAGINED INTERVIEW
INTERVIEWER: Linda Nochlin recently described your work as–
JEREMY: –Linda Nochlin? Really? Wow. Ok. Wow.
[Interviewer eyes her notes as Jeremy interrupts, then looks back up at him to continue]
I: …Linda Nochlin recently used the word “flaccid” to–
J: –wait, what? What was she, um…
[Jeremy sighs and rubs one eye under his glasses]
I: Take your time.
J: [Indignant] I will, thank you. What was she referring to?
I: You.
J: Right, but, what… I mean, what’s the context?
I: Fair enough.
[The interviewer turns back a page in her notes]
I: First published in “Art Quartery,” referring to your work on Courbet.
J: I had no idea. What did she say?
I: Let’s see. [glancing at notes] Ah.
[The interviewer reaches for one of the two glasses of water at the table and drinks all of it, slowly, pointedly. Jeremy taps his fingers.]
I: “I might say, parenthetically, that in the realm of virulent Courbet fellation, Tribby’s own penis can only be described as flaccid.”
[Pause]
J: [Defeated, removing his glasses and putting them in their case] That sounds made up.
I: Interesting.
J: I mean, come on. Can I see that?
I: No. [returns gaze to notes] You’ve also been described as lazy, a hack, a charlatan, a child, an asshole, a burnout, a has-been, a never-was.
J: That isn’t a question.
I: No, I suppose it isn’t. How does it feel knowing that you’re going to die alone?
[Pause]
J: Why are you doing this? Honestly, if you’re just–
I: –didn’t you set this up?
J: I feel like you’re setting me up, for something that isn’t even–
I: –and I feel like you’re evading the question. Let’s get back to your book.
J: What question? And who even said those things?
I: Does it matter?
J: Yes! Yes, I think it matters very much, everything matters, this matters. Or it matters to me, anyway. Wouldn’t it matter to you?
I: [under breath] Selfish, too.
J: What?
I: Nothing. [Turns to the next page in her notes]
a couple of things that I will expand on soon.
Job, Volume I: Folks, Lamented by Jeremiah (Sunflower River Publications & Recordings)
is being assembled now. monday release. $12 postage paid anywhere in the USA. pictures forthcoming!
speaking of forthcoming: a 128-page trade paperback entitled “A quiet guide to dying alone,” which will see a wide release as soon as I better figure out the nuance of Nevada tax evasion.
also of note;
A Raga Called Jack: The Myth and Ethnomusicology of American Primitive Guitar
is a class I will be teaching with Destiny Preston in the fall at UC Berkeley. it has a stuffy title and celebrates the music of the sorely missed American guitarist Jack Rose. I’m really really really excited.
An Open Letter to Berkeley Police Chief Michael K. Meehan
“I ask you to be loud and vocal supporters of your public servants; don’t be the silent majority. Have high expectations of us. Have high demands of us — I do. But don’t judge us until all the facts are in.” — Michael K. Meehan in his swearing-in as Police Chief of the Berkeley Police Department.
Well, Chief Meehan, because you asked:
1) Fuck you.
2) The facts are in. You sent an officer to a journalist’s home in the middle of the night because you didn’t like what he had to say. Your attempt at spooking and intimidating Doug Oakley and his sleeping family shows your inability and disqualification to serve the public. In the same swearing-in, you stated: “we live in the 21st century, and in the 21st century, we do things differently than we did in the 1800s and 1900s.” If Orwell’s “1984″ was written in the 20th century, what exactly is your vision of the 21st? You attributed your attempt at silencing a journalist to an “error in judgment.” There is a fundamental difference between those who can and those who cannot do what you did — a fundamental difference between those who would and would not refer to it as an “error of judgment,” those who must and must not.
It is not an error of judgment, it is an error of vocation. You are not fit to be a cop, and in the 21st century we don’t stand for this kind of shit in our public servants. Realistically, during and after the investigation by the city, you’ll be put on leave while collecting a paycheck on the backs of honest taxpayers like Doug Oakley. I’d encourage your donating a chunk of that money to the ACLU as a sign of good faith. And since you seem prone to errors in your own judgment, I have some suggestions for your next career, too: have you considered crab fishing, aviation, logging, steel working, coal mining, or perhaps the military the next time we’re in a land war in the jungle? I think these might suit you.
3) Seriously, fuck you and go away.
As ever,
Jeremy Tribby
an idea.
- an illustration or intervention corresponding to each sentence in harry dean stanton’s monologue in paris, texas. maybe not entirely unlike “bill.”
one idea.
- make crayola style crayons in colors we can’t see. draw a cool nebula.
is ketchup a lightfast pigment and/or condiment?
idea
- get a bunch of these free mobile credit card readers and prepaid android-based phones into the hands of our panhandling and busking communities.
here are some new ideas for a new year.
- take all the weird black-and-white segments from infomercials meant to portray an inferior version of the product being advertised (i.e. a woman’s press-on nails dramatically falling off while sending an SMS on her telephone, or someone fucking up their pancakes by not using the pancake wizard 7000, etc) and edit them to run chronologically in silence. alternately (or perhaps in conjunction) start a silent web archive of the clips without context.
- start bcc’ing amanda j. eicher in every email I send without informing the recipient.
- put up a sign that says “keep on median” next to the sign reading “keep off median” on the grassy median across from the cheeseboard where everyone sits to eat. or, create so many “keep off median” signs to put on the median that no one will be able to sit on it. or, intentionally run over everyone sitting on the median with my car and become known for attempting to use what the media will later dub “the art defense” in my trial.
figure c, 7×7″ ink on paper w digital type.
this is an old one. well, not too old.
“maury” was on the TV.
new day, new ideas. moving lights, amorous feelings.
- idea one: smoke detector that can only detect the smoke of a burning cross in norway. this detector is to be constructed out of black metal.
- idea two: a “black metal detector” (metal detector painted black) with a small linux box loaded with a waveform analyzer that will only beep when Darkthrone or Burzum or Mayhem starts playing
- idea three: co-write screenplay about judah maccabee with the coen brothers and get steven spielberg to direct. stipulation: film must be released on same day as mel gibson’s forthcoming film of the same subject.
hello. it is september. here are some ideas.
- two 10 by 10 ft drawings of tumors, stippled, facing one another on opposing walls, one labeled ‘bad,’ one labeled ‘not bad.’
- water in rectangular bottles of primary colors, labeled “de stijled water”
- five oversized gumball machines set next to one another: one is to house containers of 10mg each methylone ((±)-2-methylamino-1-(3,4-methylenedioxyphenyl)propan-1-one) placed inside of the kind of two-piece plastic balls that have “prizes” in gumball machines at supermarkets, arcades, etc. the face of the methylone gumball machine is to be labeled “unscheduled, > 99% pure” and equipped with a lock on it so as not to accept coins; in another, containers of 10mg MDMA, with the machine labeled “scheduled, purity unknown”; in another, 10mg O-Desmethyltramadol (3-[2-(1-Amino-1-methylethyl)-1-hydroxycyclohexyl]phenol) and labeled “unscheduled, >99% pure”; in another, 10mg raw opium, labeled “scheduled, purity unknown”; the fifth is to house containers of a powder made from blending all 50 some odd pages of the torture memos as signed by berkeley law professor john yoo, labeled “unscheduled, impure” and is to be unlocked and accepting of coins. when the installation has run its course, the $5 or so worth of coins are to be donated to pfc. bradley manning’s defense fund.
- repaint a portrait of marie antoinette, except from behind her, so as to showcase versailles’ interior. get a grant to visit versailles to do this.
- print bumperstickers that read “opinion”
- pick every lock on the case enclosing the HDTV displaying work in kroeber’s main entrance (which was stolen last year and replaced) and attach a new input source so that the TV plays a clip from le temp du loup in a loop, specifically the last two lines at the end of the film: “It’s enough that you really wanted it. I’ll tell everyone how brave you are” as a big fuck you to former and would be thieves. leave locks unhinged.
a diptych by jeremy tribby:
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in creating this “news” section I basically just set up a blog, didn’t I. that is funny. blogs are funny. “blog.”
no news to speak of.
blues, well.